Conflict Resolution

Course Duration:

3 hours:          Explore the nature of conflict and The Win/Win Approach

Introduction

The PowerPoint presentation should be on slide 1. 

The trainer’s dialog:

My name is ____________.  I work for _____________.  The name of this class is ______________. 

Trainer moves to slide 2.

During this class, you will listen to lecture, participant in activities, and view a PowerPoint presentation.  A mindmap is on your table area which is another resource to guide you through the class.  We have markers in the cup in case you would like to add color to your mindmap.  We will discuss the nature of conflict and The Win/Win Approach.  The class is 3 hours long.  We will take 2 breaks.  The restrooms are located ________.  The vending machines are located _________.  We will begin with our Ice Breaker.

Ice Breaker

Trainer moves to slide 3.

Trainer’s dialog:       

I want you to discuss as a table group the conflict issues that you brought with you today and appoint one person to write those issues down on a 5X7 card.  You will have 7 minutes to discuss and record.  When the time is up, one person from your table will write the information from the 5X7 card onto one of the posters on the wall.    

Trainer sets the timer for 7 minutes.  After 7 minutes, ask someone from each table to write the table’s outcomes on one of the posters on the wall.  Trainer reads out loud all of the outcomes. 

We will revisit the conflict issues at the end of the class and ask if you have received information that will help you return to your office and deal with that issue.    

Understanding Conflict

Trainer moves to slide 4.

Trainer’s dialog:

Let’s first understand conflict.

Who in the room has ever had conflict?

Trainer raises hand to indicate that is how you want the participants to respond

Who hasn’t?

Raise your hand to indicate that is how the participants are to respond.

Who would like to have handled at least one of the conflicts in a different way?

Trainer raises hand to indicate that is how the participants are to respond.

Conflict is all around us.  It’s not something we can choose to have or not have.  It just is. 

It may center on something such as who left the dirty dishes in the sink in the break room, who is going to help answer the phone, which new piece of equipment to buy for the office, or whether to contribute to buy something for the break room. 

This class is not about avoiding conflict.  Avoiding is not only impossible but undesirable. 

This class is about discovering productive ways of handling conflict.  Ways that make a difference with colleagues, with co-workers and with bosses. 

Recalling Personal Experience of Conflict

Trainer moves to slide 5.

Trainer’s dialog:

Let’s recall some personal experiences with conflict. 

What does conflict mean to you?  Is conflict a fight, a disagreement or war?  What feelings do you have when conflict arises? 

Trainer encourages participants to respond. 

Think of a conflict which was handled in a destructive way.  What was the outcome? 

Trainer encourages participants to respond.  When audience is through, Trainer moves to slide 6.  Allow for additional discussion.

Think of a conflict which has been handled constructively.  What were some of the outcomes?

Trainer encourages participants to respond.  When audience is through, Trainer moves to slide 7.  Allow for additional discussion.

Levels of Conflict

Trainer moves to slide 8

Trainer’s dialog:

How do we know there is a conflict happening?  There may be some very obvious signs which we can easily recognize, or there may only be a few subtle clues.  It is this range that we are going to explore. 

What is crisis like? 

Trainer encourages participants to respond.  When the audience is through, Trainer moves to slide 9.   Allow for additional discussion.

These clues are obvious.  There is unresolved conflict.  Often if we are on the look out we can see conflict brewing well before it reaches crisis.  If we stay alert for conflict in its early stages, it is a lot easier to handle. 

Trainer moves to slide 10. 

Has something minor happened which has left you upset or irritated?  Has there been an incident which suggests that something is wrong? 

Are the details of a situation unclear?  Has there been a misunderstanding about motives or intent? 

Are you feeling anxious about your relationship with another person?  Are you at the point of one more nudge and you will explode/resign/give him/her a piece of your mind?  Does each subsequent experience with the person confirm your negative attitude towards him/her?  Are you feeling a high level of tension in your relationship?

Look for clues of conflict at the discomfort level.  Dealing with conflict at this level, rather than at the crisis level, gives a greater chance of a constructive outcome rather than a destructive outcome. 

Trainer moves to slide 11.

Your response to the discomfort may be to “stay alert” and choose an appropriate time, opportunity or option to tackle the issue.

We are going to do a table exercise on the levels of conflict.

Trainer hands out Levels of Conflict Exercise.

I will give you 10 minutes to work through the exercise with the people at your table.  At the end of 10 minutes I want each table to decide on one conflict that they would like to share with the class.  I would prefer that the identity of the players in the conflict remain anonymous. 

Trainer sets the timer for 10 minutes.  After 10 minutes, Trainer calls on each table to tell their conflict.  Allow discussion.

We have been working hard at understanding the concept of conflict therefore I think it is time to take a 15 minute break. 

Trainer moves to slide 12.  Trainer sets the timer for 15 minutes.

The Win/Win Approach

Trainer moves to slide 13. 

Trainer’s dialog:

We are first going to discuss the types of behavior we use to resolve conflict and later discuss the Win/Win Approach.  When faced with conflict, what are some of the specific ways we behave?

Trainer encourages participants to give examples.  When the audience is through, Trainer moves to slide 14.

Are some of these behaviors more effective in dealing with conflict than others?  In what ways?  Do you agree?  Can you add other ways?

Trainer encourages participants to give examples.

Why do we behave in certain ways in conflict?

Trainer encourages participants to give examples. When audience is through, Trainer moves to slide 15. 

Do you agree?  Can you add other ways?

Trainer encourages participants to give additional examples.

There are many behaviors that are appropriate for dealing with conflict.  However, when we react from habit, it may mean we don’t make full use of this range of behaviors, nor do we always behave in the most appropriate way. 

We are going to explore behaviors and tools that are very helpful in dealing with conflict, and consider ways to make chooses about appropriate behaviors so that we can respond to conflict, rather than react in a knee jerk manner. 

Who is familiar with the concept of Fight or Flight behavior? 

Trainer raises hand to indicate how the participants are to respond.

What are some examples of Fight behaviors?

Trainer encourages participants to give examples.  When audience is through, Trainer moves to slide 16.

Do you agree?  Can you add other ways?

Trainer encourages participants to give additional examples.

What do you think are the main messages and intentions of “Fight” behaviors?

Trainer encourages participants to give examples.  When audience is through, Trainer moves to slide 17.

Do you agree?  Can you add other ways?

Trainer encourages participants to give additional examples.  Trainer writes on the flipchart the following:

Fight               I Win/You Lose         Aggressive

Often these are labeled as aggressive behavior.  What are some examples of flight behavior?

Trainer encourages participants to give examples.  When audience is through, Trainer moves to slide18.

Do you agree?  Can you add other ways?

Trainer encourages participants to give additional examples.  Trainer writes on the flipchart below the Fight information:

Flight              I Lose/You Win         Passive

Often these are labeled as passive behaviors.  The “You” person may win or sometimes lose, but the “I” person always loses.  What do you think are the main messages and intentions of “Flight” behaviors?

Trainer encourages participants to give examples.  When audience is through, Trainer moves to slide19.

Do you agree?  Can you add other ways?

Trainer encourages participants to give additional examples.

Let’s now consider a different set of behaviors, neither “Fight” nor “Flight”.  Let’s call them “Flow” behaviors.  Here are some examples of “Flow” behavior. 

Trainer moves to slide 20

What do you think are the main messages and intentions of “Flow” behaviors?

Trainer encourages participants to give examples.  When audience is through, Trainer moves to slide 21.

Do you agree?  Can you add other ways?

Trainer encourages participants to give additional examples.  Trainer writes on the flipchart below the “Fight and Flight” information:

Flow                I win/you win               Assertive

Often the “Flow” behaviors are labeled as assertive behavior.  We are going to work through a table activity called “Behaviors in Conflict”. 

Trainer hands out the “Behaviors in Conflict”. 

In your table group, consider three or four behaviors which fit into each of these categories and then complete the columns across the page.  You may include behaviors that we have already identified or consider others which have personal significance to you.  You will have 10 minutes for this exercise and then we will discuss as a class.

Trainer moves to slide 22 and sets the timer for 10 minutes.  After 10 minutes, trainer begins the dialog below.

Did any behaviors appear in more than one category? 

Trainer waits for response.

In what ways are they different in each category?

Trainer waits for response.  Trainer moves to slide 23.

A particular behavior might appear in more than one category.  To decide whether that behavior is aggressive, passive or assertive, we need to understand the context, the relationship of the participants, the culture, what’s gone before, and what comes after. 

Trainer moves to slide 24. 

We could withdraw with the intention of punishing the other person or to ignore his/her needs and concerns.  In this case, it is probably a “fight” behavior.  

We could withdraw to avoid conflict and just keep the peace.  If we did that, and felt unhappy and taken advantage of, it is probably a “flight” behavior.

We could withdraw because we want time to consider an appropriate action.  We may later return to deal directly with the issue, the need or the relationship.  In this case, it is probably a “flow” behavior. 

Now it is time to talk about the principles of the Win/Win Approach.

Trainer moves to slide 25.

Let’s explore what a win/win approach is about by listening to a story.  There are two sisters in a kitchen and only one orange.  Both of them want the orange.  What could they do?  They cut the orange in half.  One sister went to the juicer and started to squeeze herself a drink, which turned out too small to satisfy.  The other sister began to grate the rind of her half of the orange to flavor a cake.  Her half turned into juicy pulp.  Therefore, neither sister was satisfied.  What could they have done in order for both of them to have the whole orange?

Trainer waits for the participants to respond.  Trainer moves to slide 26.

The key to a Win/Win Approach is to explore needs before settling on a solution. 

Trainer moves to slide 27.

If the sisters had talked about their needs and listened to each other, they may have decided to squeeze the juice from the orange for satisfy one sister and then grate the rind from the orange for the cake.  Both of the sisters could have been satisfied. 

Trainer moves to slide 28.

Compromise is sometimes considered the Win/Win Approach.  It may seem the simplest, easiest and fairest thing to do.  It means that when we can’t make a bigger pie, at least, everyone is sharing in what is available.  It results in both parties having some of their needs met.  What are some disadvantages of compromise?

Trainer encourages participants to respond.  After audience is through, trainer moves to slide 29.

It often requires one party to give more and then they will be less committed to the solution.  It may mean that the potential of all options hasn’t been explored.  It may breed resentment within the relationship.  It has been described as an acceptable form of lose/lose because both parties lose an equal amount. 

Although compromise has disadvantages, it is sometimes a valuable approach.  But if you settle too quickly, you could sell yourself short.  Maybe adopting a win/win approach would be better.

Before we discuss the principles of the win/win approach, let’s take a 15 minute break. 

Trainer sets the timer for 15 minutes and moves to slide 30.  When the class starts back up the trainer moves to slide 31.

The basic principles of the win/win approach are

·        Considering not only what I want but also what the other person wants: raising the degree of concern for my own and others’ needs

·        Being concerned with what is fair

·        Respecting relationships

·        Requiring us to believe that for me to win it is not necessary for someone else to lose

·        Moving towards a solution that includes as many needs as possible

·        Consulting with others to explore needs and to consider all possible options.  This increases the likelihood of reaching a solution which addresses everyone’s needs and to which everyone will be more committed. 

You may ask what are the benefits to the win/win approach.

Trainer moves to slide 32.

It increases productivity.  It encourages creativity in people.  It results in good quality solutions.  It elicits commitment from people.  It focuses people’s energy and attention on solving problems rather than fighting with each other. 

There are times though when a win/win approach does not work. 

Trainer moves to slide 33.

When there are two applicants for the same job; when a student who has worked hard but has not done sufficiently well to be given an award; two family functions occurring at the same time—one in the city and one in the country. 

Trainer moves to slide 34

I want you to complete the “When Win/Win Seems Impossible” worksheet by yourself and then discuss it with your table to get their comments/suggestions.  You will have 15 minutes.  Then each table will take one scenario and share it with the class. 

Trainer hands out “When Win/Win Seems Impossible” and sets the timer for 15 minutes.  After 15 minutes, the trainer will call on each table to share their scenario.  Allow discussion.

We have spoken about the degrees of conflict from being uncomfortable to a full blown crisis.  That it is important for you to deal with situations when they are at the uncomfortable level rather than at the crisis level. 

We have discussed the different behaviors to conflict such as “Fight”, “Flight”, and “Flow”.  The “Fight” and “Flight” behaviors do not deal with conflict in a positive manner.  The “Flow” behavior which is discussing, listening, taking time-out, explaining and compromising is more affective in dealing with conflict.  Lastly, we discussed the win/win approach which is basically compromising.  Now let’s look back to the beginning of this class when our groups wrote down what outcomes they wanted to achieve from this class. 

Trainer moves to slide 35.   Trainer reads each of the posters.  Trainer asks the class if they have a conflict issue that they did not receive guidance on.  There may need to be discussions from the class.  Trainer moves to slide 36.

I am handing out a job aide that you can take back to the office.  I would like to read through the job aide with you.   

Your last step is to complete an evaluation on the class.  Once you have completed the evaluation, you are free to leave.  Thank you for attending.   

Levels of Conflict Exercise

Choose a recent conflict involving you.  It could be anything from a minor discomfort to a huge crisis.  What is it? 

________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________

Discomfort               Are you mulling over the situation because it is not sitting      well with you?_____________________________

                                    What are your feelings/thoughts about it?____________

                                    _____________________________________________

                                    _____________________________________________

                                    So far, have you said little about it?_____________

Can you point to one or several specific occasions in which you clashed on this subject?_______________________

What was said that was upsetting?__________________

_____________________________________________

Do you believe the other person has misinterpreted your feelings, motives or responsibilities?  How?___________________________________________________________________________________________Could you be misinterpreting the other person’s?  How?

_______________________________________________

_______________________________________________

Do you now hold a negative stance towards this person?___

Does each new interaction confirm your poor opinion of him/her?  In what ways?  ____________________________

________________________________________________

________________________________________________

Crisis                         Has a major explosion occurred?______________________

                                    Were extreme measures threatened?  What?____________

                                    ________________________________________________

                                    ________________________________________________

                                    Were extreme measures executed?  What?  ____________

                                    ________________________________________________

                                    ________________________________________________

Was the outcome constructive or destructive?  In what ways?  __________________________________________

________________________________________________

Behaviors in Conflict

When Win/Win Seems Impossible

Sometimes a win/win outcome seems impossible.  However, applying a win/win approach explores the possibilities in the situation.  It may result in unexpected outcomes.